If You're in My Office, It's Already Too Late: A Divorce Lawyer's Guide to Staying Together

Witty conversation and good insights about relationships.

I got this book on a lark, and was fairly floored by the content. Raw, intelligent and extremely funny, it goes straight to the heart of relationship issues [the author might say "balls"] and stays there... like a clamped-on pit-bull.I love the chapter "It's So Much Easier to Change the Other Person." Really??? How is this possible after so many years of hearing we can only control ourselves and our reactions to things? And yet: "Let's not sugar-coat: 'constructive criticism' is rejection, pure and simple. Saying 'constructive criticism' is like saying 'a friendly smack' or 'a positive punch in the face.'" Ouch, and OF COURSE! Sexton then hilariously reduces several attempts at constructive criticism to the core message ("You're doing something wrong [... and] you're not making me happy."), before offering an alternative: "Double down on [the behavior you like] and give it way more praise than it's due. Make it seem like an inspiring moment [...] You think they're not going to want to do that again, soon, when this is the glowing response they got?" Of course again! So simple (and clearly more than a little manipulative), and yet... if it works? WHO CARES??? Win-win!!! It's right up there with the chapter "You Can Be Right or You Can Be Happy". Brilliant and spot on.Now, how to re-frame my "constructive criticism" of my 15-year-old son's table manners...This is an excellent tool-kit. A really important book, actually. I wish I had come across it earlier in my long-term marriage (not that it had been written...). It would have saved us a lot of grief. Tough-love, for sure, and DEFINITELY a wedding present for several young couples I know!

Informative

I did not expect this book to be funny AND educational...it was a great read and definitely changed my perspective on divorce attorneys...I highly recommend this book to everyone

Funny. Scary. Spot on. Hard hitting. Beyond helpful. This book deserves all these accolades and more. The title alone is brilliant and the book more than lives up to its title. I am a marriage therapist of thirty years and can attest to the dark side of coupledom that exists beyond our romantic wishes. Though I would differ with some of Mr. Sexton's conclusions, and think that some of his advice is very hard for broken people to pull off, I have already given away lots of copies of this book to clients and friends. I dare not mention how I differ with Mr. Sexton because he is a hard hitting lawyer with martial arts experience. I am most often a punch pulling kind psychotherapist who also has a bone disease. Perhaps if I take Mr. Sexton out to dinner in Manhattan I can talk over the subtle differences and enjoy more stories from his vast experience.

I LOVE this book! I refer to it quite often when I talk to people about relationships. This book is unique in the sense that these are *actual* reasons and *real* stories of how and why relationships and marriage fall apart, and James Section gives pragmatic and seemingly feasible advice on how to fix these concerns. As the author wrote, "This is a how-not-to book;" this viewpoint is fascinating and refreshing to look at. The way it is written makes reading about these serious topics easygoing, and even funny! This book has made me more pragmatic about what to expect in a marriage/relationship, and what I myself can improve on.

I just started the book and about 30 pages in. There is a lot more fluff than I was hoping for, but I am hoping to get down to the facts and analysis of certain behaviors as I read on. It feels like a memoir of the author and less about how to hold your marriage/relationship together or how to be in a good marriage/relationship.

Amazing book on WHAT NOT TO DO in a marriage. It was a great read, very useful information, and humorous. Definitely understand more why marriages fail and how to keep one alive.

I bought this book after listening to a YouTube podcast of the author, and thought I might learn something as someone single.The book is mainly aimed at married people, and a lot of the advice is repetitive, but perhaps this was the author’s aim - important advice often needs to be repeated. To me it seemed like the book could’ve been condensed to half its size though. I also think a lot of the stories contained too many vulgar details.For the single one, there are a few good pieces of advice. Main takeaways are get to know the person very well, including their social circles, goals, aspirations, temperament etc, since divorce can be truly crushing - as many examples in the book demonstrate. Then once you are married, give the relationship the attention it deserves or it will stagnate over time.I don’t regret the purchase though; it has made me take marriage a lot more seriously than I previously had.

saw James on a few podcasts and decided to buy the book. Im single so this book has given me a wealth of knowledge going into my next relationship.

Very good handbook for pactitioners

One of the best books to read when wanting to stay together with a partner.Witty and insightful.

I loved this book.